Breakeven
by peter-pan-equals-luv
Summary: *COMPLETE* Songfic, based on song with the same name. Angst, oneshot


**Disclaimer: Don't belong to me, it belongs to Songwriters**: Frampton, Andrew Marcus; Kipner, Stephen Alan; O'donoghue, Daniel John; Sheehan, Mark Anthony

**I also don't own Harry Potter. Obviously.**

**A/N: This is my second songfic, you likey? I suppose I really should stop writing oneshots and concentrate on other stories that need completion... Oh, well! :D**

**"Breakeven"**

**I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing  
Just prayin' to a god that I don't believe in  
Cos I got time while she got freedom  
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even**

I walk around in haze. It had been like that since she left. How could I go on living when she isn't with me anymore? I pray to God every night, as I lay alone on our bed; my prayers remain unanswered. I've seen her in the paper, so happy and carefree. 'Free' being the key word.

**Her best days will be some of my worst  
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first  
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping  
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven... even... no**

I've read all of the articles about her, trying to pretend she was still in my life. I cried when I saw that she was with him; the love in his eyes as he stared at _my_ redhead, not that pricks. He was always so attentive to her, in ways that I have never been able to be. I haven't slept in three days. It wasn't right; it wasn't fair…

**What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you,  
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok  
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,  
I'm falling to pieces  
**

Part of my heart is missing; I'm sure of it. How else could you explain the total blankness of my life? She was my everything, my very reason for existence.

**They say bad things happen for a reason  
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding  
Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving  
And when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven even... no  
**

I'm so sick of everyone telling me that it happened for a reason and things will get better soon. How do they know? It fucking hurts. I can barely move most days. I feel as though I've lost part of myself. I lost the best part of myself and I just can't stop grieving over that loss.

**What am I gonna to do when the best part of me was always you,  
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok  
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,  
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,  
I'm falling to pieces  
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)  
I'm falling to pieces  
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)  
**

Oh my god, she's walking my way. I don't know what to do; I try to look strong.

"Hello, Harry," she said, smirking. "How are you?"

My mouth is dry; I choke on my words. "Er, fine." I try to clear my throat with little success. "How are you?"

"Oh, I'm great," she gushed, looking up at Malfoy. "We just got back from Spain. Well, nice to see you again," she looked me up and down and smirked. "Ta!" With that, she walked away, arm in arm with that Ferret. I wait until she's out of sight before allowing the panic that's welling in my chest to burst, building into a full-on panic attack.

**Oh you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain  
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.  
Now I'm try'na make sense of what little remains ooh  
Cos you left me with no love and no love to my name.  
**

I can still remember the day she moved out of our flat. I blamed myself for everything as she got her suitcase together and walked out the door. I begged and pleaded for her to stay, telling her that I loved her.

It didn't matter; she still left, taking my heart with her.

And now, it was obvious that she had his, too. And she isn't suffering one bit; probably never did.

I don't understand it; what did I do wrong? I know I would sometimes work late and I missed more than one party, but I love her. Why did she do this to me?

**I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing  
Just prayin' to a god that I don't believe in  
Cos I got time while she got freedom  
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break  
No it don't break  
No it don't break even no  
**

I lay in a bed at St. Mungo's, having been admitted after a passerby noticed the panic attack I was having on the sidewalk.

It feels like I can't breathe. Oh, god, why have you forsaken me?

I suppose you have to believe in god to call upon him, though. And I stopped believing.

I stare at the ceiling. They'll be moving me to the psychiatric ward soon.

I've all the time in the world now.

**What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you and  
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok  
(Oh glad your okay now)  
I'm falling to pieces yeah  
(Oh I'm glad your okay)  
I'm falling to pieces yeah  
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)  
I'm falling to pieces  
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)  
**

It's obvious that she hasn't been affected at all. Here I've been suffering and she doesn't even care. I guess it's true what they say, when a heart breaks, it doesn't break even…

**Oh it don't break even no  
Oh it don't break even no  
Oh it don't break even no**


End file.
